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Just a fast little Wednesday night post for you, because we need to discuss the fact that Alabama GOP Senator Tommy Tuberville, who wants to and probably will be the governor of that great state, appears to truly believe in his little big-eared yokel ding-dong brain that many if not most of the pilots and flight attendants he encounters while traveling are secretly furries.
Sure. Why wouldn’t they be? Makes total sense, Coach Dumbass.
There is reason I call this man the Senate’s Stupidest Republican. It used to be Wisconsin’s Ron Johnson, and he is still a close second, but Tuberville snatched that wig a couple years back and defends his title every day.
Tuberville took to the Senate floor on Tuesday to humiliate himself and his ancestors for 20 solid minutes with this anti-trans rant:
FactPost @factpostnews.bsky.social
Note that Coach Dumbass said this out loud, where people could hear him:
“What’s more concerning is that this [mentally-unwell] furry community touts the fact that many — listen to this — that many airline pilots, flight attendants, and air traffic controllers are part of the furry community. Lord help us. It’s terrifying when you think about this. When you walk on to a commercial flight, it’s possible that the pilot flying your plane could have a deranged fetish of dressing up like an animal. You can’t make this up.”
Oh can you not? Because from here it looks like you can.
I have so many questions, firstly and primarily being where the hell did he get this idea? Is this burbling in the dark assholes of the far-right QAnon-ternet and I just haven’t seen it yet? Is it from the same reaches of the internet that produced the viral urban legends about children being furries and demanding to shit in litterboxes like cats at school? Ron Johnson is big into that one. (The actual origins of that lie, which is designed 100 percent to hurt and destroy LGBTQ+ children, are more evil than you can imagine. In any school where a litterbox has been present, it’s been for the awful and ever-present possibility that a classroom might be on lockdown because of an active shooter murdering children outside.)
OK, back to my questions, because again, I need to know who told him this. Is somebody on his staff fucking with him? Is there a bet in Senate offices based on what you can get this talking corn nut to believe? Are there cash prizes?
Also, if somebody was on a flight with Tommy Tuberville and they decided to try to capture some surreptitious The Office-mockumentary-style footage of his journey, what kinds of extremely uncomfortable interactions with pilots and flight attendants would they catch on film?
Does he sneer at them when they walk away? Does he act like he thinks he’s going to catch the furry syndrome from them? Is there trembling involved?
Does Tuberville visibly tense up when the pilot says hello to him, clearly trying to work up the courage/anger required to ask, “Sir, before this plane takes off, I need to know right now: ARE YEW UNDER THE IMPRESSION THAT YEW ARE A SQUIRREL?”
Does he think there are litterboxes on planes, for the flight crew?
And how, for God’s sake, did he handle being a college football coach for so long, surrounded by all those team mascots in their highly sexual furry costumes?
Has Tommy Tuberville had sex with Aubie the Auburn Tiger? Is this projection?
Tuberville’s full anti-LGBTQ+ babbling was as unhinged as you can imagine. (Video here if you hate yourself.) It was just anti-trans hatemongering, start to finish, from one of the most ignorant pigfucks alive in the United States today.
He believes that transgender people are “unable to experience any form of intimacy.”
He believes that “doctors don’t even tell parents that their underage kid [is] undergoing these dangerous procedures, and they go behind the parents backs.” Because the United States is so full of low-cost healthcare that kids are always getting extracurricular surgery after school without telling their parents.
He believes that furries are “a bizarre subset of transgenderism where people are sexually attracted and frequently dress up as animals.” (Nope, that is not what furries are, Coach Dumbass. Maybe he ought to ask Kash Patel who’s sexually attracted to animals, because it sounds like they’re all in line waiting to apply for jobs at the FBI right now.)
He of course used part of his speech to babble about Ch*rlie K*rk, and to incite hatred against transgender people by spreading misleading bullshit about mass shooters being trans, when the truth is that the United States has far too many mass shootings every year to be able to call the three or four where the perp was trans a “pattern.” (Disturbed white men? That’s your fucking pattern, Tommy, you ignorant cumrag.)
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This is, of course, far from the first time Tommy Tuberville has been thoroughly fuckin’ inbred stupid specfically on the issue of trans people. This is a man who fully appears to believe that entire youth sports teams have been invaded and conquered by transgender kids.
In response to Tuberville’s bizarre, public fever dream about furry airline pilots and flight attendants asking him to make sure his tray table is fully in its upright position — which may or may not cause something else to end up in its upright position for Tommy if this is the projection it sounds like, NO KINK-SHAMING! — his opponent, normal person Doug Jones, said, “that was the strangest speech on the floor of the United States Senate that I have ever heard.” He added that it was “absolutely unbecoming of a United States senator.”
Yes, yes it was.
This man, Tommy Tuberville, is very likely going to be the governor of a whole entire American state, because that state’s worst citizens are going to freely choose him for the job.
God help us all, and especially God help all the Alabamians who are decent and good and kind people of integrity.
Especially all those LGBTQ+ kids whose lives will be in danger living in a state run by that stupid fucking bigot.
Vote hard for Doug Jones, y’all.
Thanks for reading The Moral High Ground! This post is public so reckon you better share it.
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