https://thefuckingnews.substack.com/p/dems-sked-boffo-trump-accountability
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Fearing impeachment fatigue, House Democrats plan investigations to uncover clues about whether Trump might have committed any crime
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Aug. 10: The House Democratic plan to go after Trump is to go after not Trump and not his cabinet … Iran willing to accept Trump surrender … Netanyahu rejects Trump peace plan, jeopardizing Trump’s Nobel Peace Prize … Republican Iowa gubernatorial candidate campaigning remotely from home — in Kansas …
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Congressional Democrats are planning to investigate rather than impeach Pres. Donald Trump if they win a House majority, Reuters reports. Pre-production is already under way for the blockbuster, which is expected to go big on special effects like subpoenas and testimony, with a thin story and none of the featured characters viewers really want to see.
Reuters quoted four people familiar with House Democratic discussions, which Reuters had to do because it’s not as if House Democratic leaders are saying this publicly.
"We're not going into this to impeach," a top Democratic aide confirmed to Reuters. "No one wants a failed vote on day one. The focus is on building a body of evidence through investigations that can hold Trump accountable."
In other words, Newsfuckers, they’re putting on a show!
With even Republican voters clamoring for accountability, and millions of people powering Democrats toward possible control of both chambers of Congress, House Democrats are planning…
…to launch investigations to uncover “a body of evidence” to determine whether Trump’s done anything wrong.
What deductive mastermind could hope to crack that mystery?!?
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Actually, even that’s not exactly right. Reuters says they’re not even targeting Trump with their investigations. So, his lawless cabinet, then?
Also nope!
Here’s Reuters:
“House Democrats preparing for a possible return to power are developing a broad investigative strategy targeting companies and financial firms surrounding President Donald Trump, instead of trying to impeach him immediately…
It is a bet that investigating private companies and outside financial players will prove more fruitful than directly confronting a White House they expect to resist oversight…”
That’s right, House Democrats are concerned that the White House will withhold evidence of crimes that Trump routinely brags about on TV.
So Democrats are drafting a spec script for a battle not-royale not against the menace they’re fundraising off of confronting, but corporate executives who funded the Trump administration — like congressional Democrats did! — so audiences can see Democrats winning. Not against Trump, against CEOs.
The reason it’s a spec script is that no one asked for this.
Sources told Reuters that Democrats are already discussing villain casting. Not Trump. Not his cabinet. But Apple, BlackRock, Blackstone, Google, Palantir, and anything owned by Elon Musk, from Tesla to his unjustifiable self-regard.
But it’s not clear whether audiences will show up for corporate whodunits when they clearly want courtroom dramas and sleazy prison movies. And we already know the special effects will be slop, because investigations don’t hold anyone accountable. Prosecutions do.
And, yes, it’s not as if the Senate would convict if the House impeaches anyone. And it’s not as if the Justice Department will enforce House subpoenas (with the funding Democrats give the Justice Department for some reason).
But winning isn’t the point. Fighting is.
Yes, Trump’s approval ratings weren’t damaged by his two impeachment proceedings. But he fucking bombed at the ballot-box office in 2020.
If Republicans want to acquit Trump going into the 2028 presidential elections, let the people watch them.
Instead, congressional Republicans will get a pass if Democrats don’t get them on record about Trump’s wildly unpopular crimes.
And there’s a greater danger in just going after corporations for suspected kowtowing and kowbribing. When you don’t fight, you imply that what you’re not fighting against is okay.
If Democrats respond only to possible offenses, then the definite, confessed-to, on-the-record crimes they ignore become normalized. And there’s a lot.
Here are some crimes Trump has already confessed to. And by “confessed to” I mean issued press releases about, gave speeches bragging about, and/or said he committed like no one’s ever crime-committed before.
Boat murders.
Venezuelan president kidnapping.
Iran bombing.
Greenland threatening.
Mexico threatening.
Colombia threatening.
Cuba threatening.
Destroying the East Wing of the White House like Osama bin Laden only wished he did.
Not allocating funds as mandated by law.
Allocating funds as not mandated by law.
Becoming president in violation of the 14th Amendment which bars insurrectionists from holding office.
Appointing a national security advisor lacking the federally mandated expertise in national security.
Violating presidential records laws by deleting presidential records that presumably included presidential records about violating presidential records laws.
Those popped to mind off the top of my head. Here’s more I stole from this guy:
Violated the Posse Comitatus law against domestic military deployments with domestic military deployments.
Violated the 14th Amendment by trying to end birthright citizenship.
Violated asylum laws by not processing asylum requests and refugee laws by not processing refugee requests.
Violated federal laws against firing employees without cause.
Violated the First Amendment by pulling security clearances from people who said mean things about him, like that he’s a dick, and pulling contracts from white-shoe law firms that didn’t kiss his boot.
Violated the Impoundment Act by not spending alternative-energy funds that Congress had allocated, so you’d think they’d know about this one.
Violated the law banning TikTok — literally right after someone who wasn’t him signed it into law, which still counts — by not banning TikTok.
Violated federal law by rolling back environmental protections which used to protect you from what corporations do to the environment.
Opened federal lands for Truffula Tree removal in violation of environmental law.
Also coal. And fishing in a national marine monument.
Violated the many laws and one (1) Constitution that give spending power to Congress by spending money he didn’t actually have, like most of his money, to build detention centers that his marketing department would like me not to call concentration camps.
Violated federal law by freezing foreign aid that wasn’t his to freeze because it had already been legally unfroze.
Declared fictional emergencies more fictional than the TV show “Emergency!” in order to claim powers that the law restricts to emergencies less fictional than the TV show “Emergency!”
Kidnapped people who said things about Israel that he disagreed with or looked like Justice Brett Kavanaugh wouldn’t like them.
Kept some kidnap victims in illegally inhumane conditions.
Sent some kidnap victims to El Salvador not for the beaches but for torture.
Illegally and unconstitutionally and straight-up dickishly denied due process to the people he kidnapped. While he was president, that is. (This doesn’t include his private-life detentions of legions of women against their will.)
Violated due process by freezing funding for non-governmental organizations that help immigrants.
Unleashed DOGE (the Department of Government Efficiency) to illegally and inefficiently fire people we needed, thank you, and peek at our private information that we wanted to stay private, thank you.
Illegally published Social Security numbers of people in the John F. Kennedy assassination files, which they needed like a hole in the head.
Violated all kinds of laws and rights and amendments by going after LGBTQ+ people, especially the T people, and anyone who might be diverse.
Violated the First Amendment by trying to strongarm museums and Park Rangers from telling the truth about the 14th Amendment (and slavery, ssshhh!)
Violated the First Amendment by targeting ActBlue, the primary funding arm for the Democrats who won’t target Trump for targeting ActBlue.
Violated federal watchdog laws by firing federal watchdogs.
Violated multiple laws by firing transgender people from the military.
Illegally pulled federal funding from schools that refused to violate First Amendment rights by telling teachers not to say stuff Trump doesn’t like.
Violated collective-bargaining rights by not bargaining right with people who bargain collectively.
Violated our laws, world treaties, and his own trade deal by imposing illegal tariffs, on countries populated and otherwise, so hugely illegal that even the Republican Supreme Court could see it from their safe space.
Illegally stopped enforcing the Foreign Corrupt Practices Act, the law against Trump’s favorite kind of practices.
Illegally appointed federal prosecutors who illegally stopped enforcing the law against Trump’s favorite kind of practices.
Got a $400 million plane via foreign corrupt practices. Among other corrupt illegal gifts.
Designated Antifa a terrorist organization despite it being neither terrorist nor an organization.
Violated spending laws by withholding funds from “sanctuary” cities and localities he didn’t like.
Deployed the Federal Communications Commission (FCC) to punish broadcasters for airing comedians who tell jokes about the president as comedians have been doing since before there were presidents.
Corruptly withheld funding from universities to make them be less like universities and more like fascist parallel-universe universities.
Corruptly withheld funding from NPR and PBS for doing things like reporting on withholding funding from universities.
Violated the First Amendment by kicking the Associated Press out of the White House press pool for calling the Gulf of Mexico the Gulf of Mexico.
Sweet Newsfuckers, I probably skipped more than half of the examples in that video. And there’s impeachable stuff Trump did that didn’t break the law because we need more law:
Violated international law by withdrawing from the World Health Organization so that hantavirus could see the world.
Pardoned religious zealots who violently chased members of Congress from the Congress where they are members, briefly usurping the legislative branch in a treasonous attempt to permanently usurp the executive branch that was him to keep it him.
Tried to pay them for their work with money he tried to steal from you.
Granted clemency to myriad shitheads who abused their wealth or power to abuse people without wealth or power and/or used their wealth or power to benefit Trump’s wealth or power.
Granted clemency to people who tried to stop women from exercising whatever remaining reproductive rights the Supreme Court hadn’t aborted yet.
Granted clemency to his shitheads without going through the Justice Department process that includes input from victims, judges, and prosecutors. And is supposed to include atonement and compensation by the perps.
Fired federal prosecutors who refused to drop federal charges against New York City Mayor Eric Adams in return for Adams playing ball, then promoted the Justice Department official who lied under oath about it, Todd Blanche, to run the Justice Department, which Senate Republicans confirmed Blanche to do even though his transgressions were so myriad we all forgot about Adams.
Deployed federal prosecutors to punish his enemies and his scapegoats for his inadequate pool-renovation skills.
House Democratic Leader Hakeem Jeffries (D-NY) has said Democrats aren’t ruling out impeachment, that’s just not their focus. In other words, they’re open to a sequel. Depending on ticket sales.
Iran Issues Terms for Trump Surrender
The Islamic Republic of Iran on Saturday issued its terms for Pres. Donald Trump to surrender after beating himself senseless beating up Iran to no avail because he never got how Muhammad Ali’s Rope-a-Dope strategy worked.
A statement by a commander in Iran’s Revolutionary Guard — which is now running things thanks to Trump killing the people who used to — said the Strait of Hormuz will remain restricted until the U.S. goes away and pays for all the stuff it broke.
These are basically the same conditions Trump pushed back in June, before he lost, won, lost, won, and lost the war again.
Trump basically acknowledged easing up on his military attempts not to lose. Responding to Iran’s surrender terms, Trump told Axios, “We are low-keying it.” Because that’s Trump’s forte: Low-key.
"It will work out,” Trump said. “It's like a chess game,” added Trump, who hasn’t mastered the rules to Connect4, loses at Tic-Tac-Toe, and is prone to ending chess games by yelling, “Yahtzee!”
ALSO LOSING WITH ISRAEL The Israel-Gaza peace plan that Trump has been negotiating since September was shot down Sunday not by Iranian air defenses, but by U.S.-funded Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu.
The plan, put forward last month by Trump’s Board of Peace, called for Israel to withdraw from Gaza and Hamas to disarm and give up power. But Netanyahu is apparently bored by peace, and said no.
At least Trump has Iran and Israel agreeing on something, even if it is the blowishness of his peace plans.
Netanyahu insisted that Hamas disarm first and also said that “a Palestinian state will not be established” while he’s prime minister. Which could end with October elections.
Democrats Vote To Block Blanche and also Fund Him
Maybe it was the late hour of the two votes, but early Saturday morning, Senate Democrats voted in vain against confirming Todd Blanche, Pres. Donald Trump’s personal attorney, as Trump’s personal attorney general…
…and voted to give Blanche billions of dollars to do the stuff they voted against him doing, including persecuting and prosecuting themselves and people less powerful than themselves.
First, at 3:36am, all but six senators¹ voted to fund the government into December. The money they voted for would fund any federal election interference (and future crimes that the House won’t prosecute), and deny Democrats a chance to use the threat of a shutdown right before the election to extract additional concessions.
Democrats even knew that Republicans were terrified of getting squeezed with a shutdown right before the elections, because Axios reported so, with brevity, last month.
The bill also included funding for the Justice Department, which will be run by Blanche, who then at 4:17am was confirmed without any Democratic votes. In other words, 42 Democrats thought Blanche unfit to run the Justice Department and also handed him the money to do as he sees Trump sees fit.
CONCESSION STANDS Axios reports that Democrats did win some concessions.
A proposed rule giving political appointees more power over federal grants is dead, although it’s not clear this matters, given that they already politicized grants without the rule.
Trump can’t have $1 billion to build battleships named after him. They sank his battleship!
A ban on some hemp products was delayed by a month.
And … that’s pretty much it. But don’t let Democratic impotence get you down: You can go out and fight for the Democrats standing up!
Election Watch
IOWA The Iowa gubernatorial campaign of Trump-endorsed Republican Zach Lahn just took a detour through Kansas. Which is where he lives.
The Daily Beast on Friday revealed that Lahn bought a Kansas McMansion, doesn’t even claim his Iowa property as his primary residence, and routinely flies to Iowa campaign events from the Wichita airport. (h/t)
Admittedly, it takes some sand to run in Iowa when you live in Kansas. That’s especially true because Lahn’s Democratic rival, Rob Sand, the state auditor (of Iowa, that is, not Kansas), lives in Iowa, which is coincidentally where he’s running for governor. Sand’s campaign website lives here.
OHIO Republicans are stuck with Rep. Max Miller (R-OH). Today is the deadline for county Republicans to replace him on the ballot, which they’d love to do given the credible abuse allegations and his wholesale — albeit belated — abandonment by party leaders.
But oopsy, Saturday was the deadline for county Republicans to notify that they were replacing Miller on the ballot. Which they didn’t do. Meaning Miller’s on the ballot. Unlike his ex-wife, the GOP can’t divorce him.
Maybe someone could give Republicans a stuffed bunny to comfort them?
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